The Hermit Crab Ditches Another Shell

I felt pretty damn depressed today. I really did. I have never felt that depressed I don't think, ever. I think really I've felt down since January, when I went to the beach with some friends and clambered over the hills of sand and down to the water and back up cliffs. After that trip, I got depressed, and since then I've read some and thought some and it's just gotten worse and worse. Why? Because I live in a house. I live in a house in a neighborhood in a town. I have no way of entirely avoiding horrible carcinogenic materials. I feel compelled to check my email a lot. Other people essentially force me to attend mass-education factories. I eat food out of boxes.

And it depresses me.

And it depresses everyone else, too. If not their souls, then their bodies. Yeah, bodies get depressed.

I told my speech & debate coach that I'm not going to the state tournament this weekend. I'm giving up my spot in the event. She didn't fight me, but I feel pretty guilty and bad about it. I hate to let people down, and I know I did that by saying I just can't go.

But, I do not think I will regret it. At least not the part about not competing; I will probably regret the letting-my-coach-down part for at least a while. But this Saturday, I turn 18. I hope to attend my old school's Haru Matsuri festival in the morning for a while, then go to a concert put on by another town's environmental club.

When I got home after breaking the news to my coach, I checked my email (yeah... yeah, I know) and was happy to find an email from my uncle. He sent me an essay by Dmitry Orlov, someone I had never heard of before. Here is the essay.

I believe that I will get through this. Belief can be an unreliable thing, but what isn't, really?

Another interesting thingy I ran across today: James Cameron (creator of the movie Avatar) goes to the Amazon.