Dramatic thoughts

I spend a lot of time floating around in my head, poking at the past and peering into the future.  I get the feeling most people do.  I've always liked to wonder at how things went, how things came to be this way.  How did I get here and how could it have gone otherwise?

When I remember things, my memories are lucid, not flat images but select pieces of a complete experience. 

I learned in the past couple of years from various incidences that it is easier to leave than to be left.  I left Guatemala, but here, more than a month since my last night there, I find my chest hurts to think about the place too much, as it hurt to think about leaving while I was still there.

I remember that sometimes in Guatemala I was homesick.  Now here I am, Guatemalasick.

At the same time I am afraid to go back, indefinitely, because my family is here and I cannot live in both places.  I have to decide where I love more.